Woke up screaming this morning with my dick, my little SS Storm Trooper caught up in my fly. Never thought nuthin' could hurt so bad! The trouble with living in a small town is that you keep running into the people who are pissed off at you. Timmy the Ambulance driver wuz still all pissed because I didn't drive his slut sis the last mile from the abortion clinic! I mean what is a party animal to do? She wanted to go to the Pharmacy and I wanted to go to the bar? Like get your priories straight here bitch, okay? If she didn't want to get a bum deal you shouldn't have let me knock you up. So instead of pulling it out all nice and easy or sedating me first Timmy rips it out all fast and with vengence in his little black heart.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee they say the whole trailer park heard my girlie like scream. Shit, haven't screamed like that since mommy threw me out of her basement for accidental fire arms discharge (Uncle Billy Bob didn't those two toes anyway).
On the upside of things I got my water back on in Michael Blevins name. Hope he won't mind. I really am going to pay it this time. I know I said that before the last 6 times but I really mean it this time. The cat was pretty damn happy about the situation. Guess I'd been forgetting to give the little bastard some water. The little bitch seems to like getting even with me by shitting in my stero head phones.
Well with Halloween fastly approaching I must remember to score some roofies so I can find a pretty lady and have a special night with her. I'm a little low of funds because the boss fired me from my forklift job (who would have imagined that drinking on the job was against the rules?) I promise to vote for you Mr. Obama just keep those unemployment checks coming. ALWAYS REMEMBER: CHRIS DRAKE PARTIES HARD!!!
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